What Having Lupus Has Taught Me as an Entrepreneur

I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a business owner.

I have a hard earned bachelor’s degree completed when my life was an absolute shitshow, working full time as a single mom in my late thirties. Getting that degree required hours of pouring over books whenever I could steal time. My diploma was earned on nights and weekends. Those papers were written on lunch breaks and in the early hours of the morning before the day started.

I have always been someone who takes on too much. I feel the weight of my self-imposed responsibilities very acutely and I hate to fail.

I own and operate a business and have a 9–5 job. I fill my time with things that feel meaningful to me… which almost always means work. I like to work, I like to feel creative and productive and of service to others.

I also have a chronic illness, but somehow that always seems to get mentioned last… if at all.

I have systemic lupus erythematosus, SLE for short, or just plain old lupus if you please.

My lupus is always with me. It’s like the imaginary friend you had as a kid that no one else could see. My lupus tags along everywhere I go. It’s the silent partner in my marriage, my personal relationships and my business.

Lupus is stealing from me every day.

It’s stealing my energy and my ability to keep up. It’s stealing the precious sleep I need, keeping me awake long after I should be. It’s stealing my peace of mind, leaving me wondering is this how things are going to be for the rest of my life?

It’s stealing my time in the form of hours spent in doctors offices for appointments and treatments. Time spent resting when I want to be doing. Time spent doing when I should be resting.

It’s stealing my self-esteem and redefining the way I see my body. It’s turned some of my favorite things to do, (hello beach days, my old friend), into things I shouldn’t do.

Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease. A healthy immune system is your first line of defense against sickness. It fights off invaders trying to harm you. It keeps your healthy cells shiny and clean and lets your body do all the natural things a healthy body does.

My immune system sees my healthy cells as stormtroopers invading the mothership. My immune system does its absolute best to attack and wipe out all that is holy and good inside of me. My immune system does not play well with others.

It is a constant battle to live inside my body. I have often made the reference that it feels like I live in a burning house. There is a slow burn happening inside of me that one day I envision will turn to a towering flame.

But yet my lupus does not define me.

I have dreams and plans for the future. I’ve built a business from scratch and have a family I adore. I have no plans to abandon my goal to have a life designed by me, for me.

But it’s not easy. I’ve had major health issues stop my business in its tracks, stalling my progress and creating self-doubt. I’ve had to learn to navigate the delicate balance between managing my chronic illness and growing my business. I’ve had big wins and even bigger losses, but the difference between me and the entrepreneur next door is that I will not give up.

Having lupus has made me appreciate my life more, even on the hard days. It has forced me to acknowledge that there is an expiration date on all of us and that we’re promised nothing.

To those who are like me, chronically ill (but majorly awesome), struggling but ambitious, failing but still trying… I say keep going. Your chronic illness doesn’t define you, just like mine doesn’t define me. You are strong, you are resilient and you are capable of far greater than you even know.

Stay strong my chronic illness warriors, I see you.